On Day-Jobs

The reason I haven’t been able to live up to my New Year’s Resolution (write and post new blog post each month) is sort of a cop-out. I can admit that. But I can not admit to is writer’s block. I just don’t believe it exists. Even if you are just writing out checks, writing your name on the wall, writing comments on someone’s terrible research paper, at least you are writing. Putting pen or pencil to paper; touching fingers to keyboard. That still counts as writing! Doesn’t it? (Um… I think).
I’ve been searching for the perfect creative project, and–to be honest–I feel a little stuck.
I have one longterm, academic paper I’ve been working on since last summer. And the problem with that one is not that is doesn’t currently hold my interest–it definitely does. It’s just that every time I touch it, it seems to grow. Now it is so unwieldy, I think it might have to be a book.
And that is a problem.
It’s a problem because now, in my adult life. Let I admit this? yes, I guess I do–I let: I am, now in my 30s, having time, as in leisure time/free time/beach time/jerk-off time/”me”-time grows scarcer and scarcer. Those moments in which I actually get to sit back and reflect on myself, and maybe even seconds in between I get to think about my writing, grow fewer and farther between.
This is a hard reality of growing up. (Oh, graduate school! And your long hours of contemplation! Getting to sleep in because I didn’t have to go to my day job while I was living it up in student-loan-land. Toiling for hours upon hour on equipment rented for free from my school. Toiling for hours and hours more editing and assembling my beautiful projects. Even if only I thought they were beautiful. Oh, beautiful grad school! How I miss you. You went by too fast).
What I’m driving at is this; even though I NEED it, and I somewhat enjoy it, my day job is getting in my way of producing creative content. And I am feeling frustrated and mad and frankly, empty. I’m feeling lately like I need positive reinforcement in order to keep working–in order to keep having ideas worth writing about.
I’ve slowed down. I haven’t met my goal of at least one blog post per month. And it’s not because I’m burnt out on writing. I fear, it’s because I am growing burnt out on my day-job. Which, ironically enough, is TEACHING WRITING.
So, forgive me, but tonight I am using my little WordPress blog here to be selfish and air my frustrations about not writing. While I continue to brainstorm and develop new ideas for the future, at least I can go to sleep together with this very small satisfaction:
At least for tonight, I’m writing about writing.


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